To Whom it May Concern

    Dear Mr and Mrs Miller

    Hey Robert or Shannon!


    I’m so happy that you have this contact form on your website, because I REALLY need to talk to you.

    Here’s the thing:

    I have a question about your crops.I have an offer you can’t refuse.I’d like to schedule a playdate with Morty.I need your opinion on my life choices so far.Martha Stewart sent me. (Don’t worry…it’s a good thing.)Other

    I'll be holding my breath for your reply to:

    and trusting that you won't:

    compose it using Shakespearean Englishsend me an auto-reply (ugh!)USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERStell anyone we had this little chat

    But what I'm actually contacting you about is:

    That's it for now

    High FiveHakuna MatataRock onHey, nobody’s perfectLater Alligator


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